The hells of meditation

I have try different ways of meditation, Buddhist meditation, Christian, Taoist and many more . My aims are to gain enlightenment, become a better person and probably obtain spiritual eternity.

On my experiences I have encounter some many obstacles that at times I thought meditation was not for me, from not having the space and the discipline that requires to uncertainties on my techniques. Every time my brain tends to play games and tricks to stop me to sit for at least ten minutes and meditate.

And that is not all while I am meditating my brain is like a motorway where the ideas and thoughts rush to get nowhere creating a chaos difficult to control. I spend about an hour just to gain probably ten seconds without any thoughts I have no idea what is going on? Am I going insane? Or maybe my personal path is obscure.

I remember that passage of the bible where king Saul needed soothing music to find inner peace I can sympathise with his experience, a lonely soul full on doubt and remorse, how lonely he must feel trying to find the right path and disciple to understand everything around him.

I know that it might take me years or maybe my whole life to find inner silence and balance with nature I am sure that I have to battle myself and everything else to do it. It is all worth it…